God's Love

I've turned into a sap. Excuse me while I ooze a bit.
Almost immediately after Aubrey was born, I realized that I grossly underestimated God and His desire to shower us with goodness.
Let me back-up. Years ago, Ken and I decided not to have children. On my part, this was largely because I didn't want to have my heart broken. I was well aware of the pain that I (as well as my siblings) caused my parents through the struggles of growing up. And as a teacher, I was constantly reminded of the trials of child-raising as I would witness parents (GOOD parents) break down in tears over something their child had said/done. It was obvious to me that having children was just asking for disappointment and heart ache. Why invest so much love into someone who will inevitably abuse that love? Besides, there are so many children in this world who need more love - wouldn't it be better, I would rationalize, to just love on those children.
Then about a year and a half ago we decided that the love and rewards of having children could quite possibly out-weigh the torments. And QUICKLY became pregnant. Throughout the entire pregnancy, I was terrified. What if we weren't good parents? What if something was wrong with our baby? What if our baby wasn't a nice person? What if this whole thing was a mistake? I would have never admitted it but I think that, looking back, I was afraid I wouldn't love her enough. Ken loved her the second he knew she was conceived, but I needed more... persuasion. What if that persuasion didn't come?
When Aubrey was born, I was taken aback by her perfection. I remember that as the doctors were sewing and stapling me back together, Ken brought Aubrey over to me so that I could see and touch her. I couldn't speak because the huge lump in my throat warned me that a single word would make me cry. This little, precious girl was beautiful. In seconds, I was in love. And overwhelmed. God had given us a tiny, perfect creation - how on earth had I never considered He'd grant us such a gift?? I was prepared for and deserved pay-back, but received riches.
I look at her and tell her I love her, and can't keep from doing so without crying!
I had no idea a mother's love was so strong. I didn't know my mother loved me so much.
And then there's Ken. Ken loves Aubrey so much more than either of us could have imagined. And I love Ken so much more, seeing him in this role of loving father. He's a great example of God's perfect love for His children.
I know she's not perfect and that she never will be. I know she'll break our hearts. But our hearts are already so much bigger than they ever were previously, I have no doubt they'll withstand the damage and heal to be even stronger than before.
I pray that Aubrey grows into as beautiful of a person on the inside as she is on the outside. That she is genuinely NICE and sees good in people. I pray that she loves God and lives to honor him. That she influences the world to be a better place and doesn't let the world make her cold. And I praise and thank God for giving us such an amazing gift.
I should have never doubted.