Simply put, church shopping sucks.
It is soooooo hard to work up the motivation to wake up on a Sunday morning (especially after a late Saturday wedding) and go to a church where you know absolutely no one and sit through who knows what kind of service. And how accurate is a first impression anyway?
We found a church we really liked in Round Rock (before we were married), only to find out YEARS later that it was the wrong church for us (they had a problem with me praying with my husband (women are to be silent), and I had a problem with that theology and the resulting "whispers" about us). So, was our time there a complete loss? No, not at all. In the 2-3 good years there, we both grew. And that's the point, right? But the let-down that followed was heart-breaking. And since that experience, we've been a little gun-shy about church in general.
Ken and I also have different tastes when it comes to worship styles. He's more comfortable with the a cappella hymns and I prefer music and lyrics with more contemporary relevance. But we agree on the rest - baptism by choice and as a statement of belief/commitment, communion weekly, and women have an important role (not necessarily serving as "leaders" of the church, but active in leading worship, prayers, readings, etc.). We don't want to be part of a church that seems to put "the church" above God by being stuck on man-made rituals and liturgies, or that endorses someone just because they're of the same church branch - a church should be molded by the people within it, staying flexible with the times and changing population to best meet the needs of the congregation. Most important to us is that we find a church body where we can grow - that means a church family that we relate with and feel accepted by, and a minister and leaders that are insightful and challenging. Where do we find all of this in Buda, TX??
We took a deep breath and stepped into another Church of Christ today. Church of Christ (CoC)
might be the best fit for us because they embody most of our same beliefs/priorities, but the differences can be pretty stark. The promising thing about CoC is that each congregation is different - there's no "national head" of any sorts so you CAN find CoCs that sorta break the mold from other CoCs and have women leading songs, for example. So really, you never know what you're going to get with a CoC - no two are exactly alike. This morning, we visited
Southern Hills Church of Christ right here in Buda, about half a mile from our house. This is a tiny church. There were maybe 100 of us there, and it seemed like mostly an older congregation. But the people (although old) were soooooo nice! We were hardly able to make it to our seat because we were stopped by so many people who wanted to meet us. And it wasn't the insincere "We're glad you're here" that we've gotten at so many other churches - they really engaged us in conversations. The songs were a cappella hymns (Ken felt right at home) and the minister was a more engaging speaker than we've seen at other churches, but not dynamite. His message was interesting. After service, one of the men we met on our way in brought us a loaf of homemade bread, wrapped all pretty with a "thanks for breaking bread with us" note. Another man quickly found us and said he wanted to take us to lunch. How could we refuse? About 30 minutes later, we were finally through the mass of friendliest-people-on-earth and to our car. We had lunch with 3 other families. Super nice folks.
We've decided that we need to go to Bible Study class to learn more about the spiritual side of this church, and then meet with the elders. This church seems pretty darn conservative (ok, well all CoCs are conservative, but there's a spectrum within that and I think this one falls on the more conservative side of that conservative spectrum) so I'm guessing that in class, the women won't be leading prayers. How important is that to me? I don't want my daughter to be taught that her prayers don't count, or that God cares more about what a man has to pray than what she wants to pray. Incidentally, I do believe that men, in general, are better leaders than women. Women have a tendency to get our emotions involved and to hold grudges, where men can keep things in a more rational prospective. I prefer working for male principals, I've discovered, and I honestly think our nation is best led by a male president. But that doesn't mean I think women are without value. Women are better teachers than men because of our empathy - and maybe better prayer-leaders for that same reason! And I sure as heck am a better song-leader than most of the men churches put up front (I say humbly - but really! I can stay in just ONE key during an a cappella song....). So I guess there's a fine-line when it comes to a woman's role in the church, but that's an important line to me, especially when it'll be taught to our daughter.
BUT we need a church home! Should we just continue to church shop? Or should we settle on one that's "close enough" and hope we don't find a need to leave later? I want to be fully invested in a church family, but how can you do that when you don't fully agree with the theology? Do people out there really find the perfect church, or do they find one that's just good enough? I guess I'm really asking - am I too picky??
Who knows - maybe we''ll go to class only to find women leading prayers and we will have found a practically perfect church afterall.
Wow. This ended up being really long! Guess I had a lot to say on the topic.
Baby girl Nadia — who weighed 17 pounds, 1 ounce after birth — lies in a maternity ward in the Siberian city of Barnaul.
Posts
